A reasoning about fart

one day, Sherlock Holmes, Di Renjie, Conan, and Yuki Higano drove to a place together. As to why they are together and where they are going, I have no idea as an author.

Guido Higano drives a car-of course, he drives. Di Renjie is an ancient man and a high-ranking official, and the carriage does not necessarily know how to drive. Sherlock Holmes is the same. People at the end of the 19th century certainly did not have a driver's license. Conan was detained for 15 days with a fine of two thousand. Not to mention Conan, a doll, anime character, and short stature, the seat line of sight is estimated to be the position of the steering wheel, feet can not even reach the accelerator pedal. In short, Keigo Higano sat in the driver's seat, the copilot sat Di Renjie, followed by Conan, and Holmes sat on Conan's right hand.

the atmosphere in the car is a little cold. If you think about it, this group of people is all great detectives (great writers of Dongye), celebrities, and tens of millions of fans. To put it more fashionably, four people are all big IP. Who doesn't have any personality? who doesn't pretend to be forced? anyway, they are not the masters who have nothing to say. So he was silent and allowed the car to drive forward.

as he walked, Conan suddenly spoke.

"who farted?" He said.

he has been smelling the stench for a while. Originally, he wanted to put up with it. It was only natural to fart. The car was full of respectable people, and it was a bit ugly to say it. He secretly pressed the window button to open a crack to let the fresh air come in and blow the stench, but the window was locked. He put up with it for a while, and the more he thought about it, the angrier he became.

there are three reasons for being angry: first, the fart is smelly, the car is in a closed state, and the smell can't be dispersed all the time, and he feels sick; second, it is obvious that some of these people farted, even if they do not take the initiative to admit it, but pretend to be fine. Is it possible that you didn't smell it? How is it possible? the space in the car is so small, what is it if it is not hypocrisy? We are all great detectives. How can people who represent justice be so hypocritical? Third, and the most important point, because everyone does not admit it, then he has unwittingly become a fart suspect. Come to think of it, only one of the three farted, and the other two must have suspected everyone but themselves, so he was suspected for no reason.

ridiculous! When did I, Conan, be suspected? No, you can't even doubt it if you don't say it in your mouth! Besides, if I haven't done it at all, why should I be suspected? There can be no silence. We have to find out the real farter and clear my name. If fart is compared to a crime, what is the behavior of someone who does not expose the crime, but secretly covers it for the other party, or pretends to be silent? This is an accomplice to sin! How do you say that? We will not speak out when others are in danger today, and they will not speak for us tomorrow when we are in danger. In life, you must not be the silent majority. Although it is only a fart, through a small part to see the whole, to the details to see the hearts of the people, as the cartoonist's messenger of justice, I Conan must say this immoral thing and pre-emptive strike.

so he said it, and that half-joking and half-serious tone were very appropriate. You think, at least it wouldn't be embarrassing for such words to come out of a child's mouth, even though everyone knew that the soul of a mature teenager lived in his body.

"not me." Holmes first denied it.

his idea was that sitting right next to Conan would naturally be considered the first object of suspicion. It's like a homicide, and the people around you are often the most suspected. But as an English gentleman, he reacts physically when he hears words like shit, urine, and fart. In addition, he doesn't like to explain much. The word "not me" is concise and clear, and there is a sense that the topic had better stop there. As the most famous detective in history, he is not willing to waste time on such nonsense.

"it's not me, I'm driving."

Higano said, opening a small crack in the window on the left, and the cold wind poured in, but soon he closed the window again.

"Sorry, I have a cold and my nose is stuffed up. I can't smell it. "

he sniffed symbolically as if to prove to everyone that he was not lying. This logic doesn't make sense. Just because you have a runny nose with a cold doesn't mean you don't fart, but everyone knows it and doesn't point it out.

since all three have come out to deny it, it will be a little unreasonable for the other one not to show his attitude. However, everyone waited for a while, Di Renjie not only did not speak but heard slight snoring. Fell asleep. Everyone looked at each other, and finally, Higano reached out to wake him up.

"have you arrived yet?" Di Renjie suddenly woke up and quickly wiped off the wet saliva from the corners of his mouth with the palm of his hand.

"Lord Dee, do you smell it?" Asked Higano.

"what?"

"fart."

Di Renjie looks confused.

"what fart? Are you kidding me? "

he looked at Dongye, then looked back and found Holmes and Conan staring at him, so he poked his nose out reluctantly and sniffed hard.

"No."

"it should be gone," Conan said.

"Oh". Di Renjie sat up straight and looked ahead. Soon, he realized something was wrong. "wait, what do you mean?"

the three do not speak, and their eyes look in three directions.

"Oh hey, do you suspect me of farting? I fell asleep... Shit, can you suspect that I'm pretending to be sleeping to hide that I farted? "

"Lord Dee, you misunderstand." Higano also wants to explain.

"pull over."

"No, Lord Dee."

"stopCar! "

Di Renjie gave a hard pat on the front of the seat, and the sound of "bang", like a sudden sound, startled everyone. Higano sighed, slammed on the brakes, and began to slow down. When the car stopped completely, Di Renjie unfastened his seat belt and turned around.

"Let's not go until we find out who farted today!"

"Lord Di, what a big nonsense, it's so serious." Dongye came out to play around the game.

"very serious!" I think Di Renjie has been in the world for so many years, and many films have been made. The film is still starred, Andy Lau. It has always shown people a decent image of upright, upright values and moral models. When has it been so suspected? This is not only a farting problem but also related to my reputation. once my reputation is damaged, everything I do in the future will be questioned. The Holy Lord no longer trusts me, the people no longer love me, and the audience will no longer buy tickets for me to enter the cinema. Even that jerk Yuan Fang will ride on me. Therefore, we have to make things clear today. "

"I understand very well. The ancient Chinese always regarded solar terms as more important than fate. What do you two mean? " Dongye asked back a question.

"agreed." Conan replied, "although I don't have the glorious and upright personal image of Lord Dee, I don't want to gossip." Besides, I was the first to raise this matter, and there is no reason to avoid it. "

what about you, Mr. Holmes?

"childish. Boring. " Holmes showed great disdain.

"I think you should be more involved."

"Why?"

"Don't you think your reputation has been declining over the years?" Dongye coughed twice. "as the most famous detective in the world, I feel that you are about to be overshadowed by Watson."

"joke. Watson is just one of my entourage. You see, I don't even bother to bring him out this time. "

"I think you are just afraid to bring him out. Now there is a saying in the public. "

"what?"

"to say that you are actually in vain. Most of the time, you rely on Watson's help to solve a case. Without him, you are nothing."

"bullshit!" Once he got angry, the gentleman Sherlock Holmes paid no attention to the taboos of shit and fart. "isn't it just to find out who farted? Come on, I'll play with you today to see who is the first king of reasoning in history. "

"Great!" Dongye was very happy to see that his provocative method had worked.

"so", Conan stared at Dongye. "Mr. Dongye, what is your purpose?"

"There is no purpose. If I can historically witness the fighting methods of the three great detectives, it will not be enough for me to brag about it for half my life. "

Dongye sucked his nose and looked smug.

"cut the crap, who comes first?" Di Renjie is a little restless.

"then let's start with Lord Di. Let's first take a look at the reasoning bosses in ancient China. "

"line. Everybody is out of the car. "

Di Renjie was the first to open the door and get out of the car, then slapped the roof of the car and drove the other three out of the car like chickens. After getting off the bus, everyone stood together.

"what the heck is this?" Sherlock Holmes was dissatisfied with this.

"it's very simple. I want to try the case on the spot." Di Renjie said.

"trial? Interrogate us? " Conan asked.

"No, I won't interrogate you. With your IQ and acting skills, you can't tell the truth. "

"what do you mean?"

"Let me ask you, when you are sitting in a car, what is the closest to a person's ass?"

"I refuse to answer such a childish question."

"Yes, it's a seat!" Di Renjie answered his questions.

"so?"

"when the fart comes out of the human body, the first thing that passes through the seat cushion is the seat cushion. I only need to interrogate your cushions to know who farted first."

"what?! Trial cushion?! "

Conan and Dongye were stunned, but Sherlock Holmes was silent.

"cushions can't talk, how to judge?"

"that is, it is said that Chinese people are mysterious, but I didn't expect to know witchcraft."

"it's all the same old tricks." Said Holmes.

Conan and Dongye looked curiously at Sherlock Holmes.

"Bao Zheng of the Song Dynasty used this trick more than a thousand years ago," Holmes continued. "Primary school students in China all know that judging stones and donkeys is nothing more than luring the real culprits into a trap and accidentally revealing their tricks. I'm just being smart. "

"Huh!" Di Renjie went to the side of the car a little angrily and shouted to the cushion in the car, "cushion, cushion, who farted? tell the truth quickly!"

Di Renjie shouted three times in a row, but of course, he didn't get any response. Conan and Dongye also began to show mockery.

"what?" Di Renjie pricked up his ears. "the voice is too low. I'll get closer. One by one, don't worry."

Di Renjie climbed sideways into the car, put his ears on several cushions one by one, and kept nodding. After all this, he climbed out of the car again and sorted out his messy clothes.

"I already know who the farter is."

"what?!"

people didn't expect to solve the case so soon.

"come on, who is it?"

Di Renjie walked in all directions with her hands behind her back, glancing across the faces of the other three people one by one, and began to circle them. that three of you were a little hairy and uncomfortable when he stared at you.

"I hope the farter should come forward and admit it." Di Renjie said.

hearing this, the other three almost sat on the ground.

"Oh, after a long time, you didn't find out anything."

"that is, aren't you playing with us?"

"Chinese people like to play tricks."

"I'm giving the real killer a chance!" Di Renjie got angry. "well, since you don't want to stand up by yourself, don't blame someone for being impolite." Holmes, come on, it's you! "

"what?"

Conan and Dongye looked at Holmes with a look of amazement.

"where's the evidence?" Holmes was unusually calm.

because only your cushion stinks!

"Oh, I see," Conan suddenly realized, "Lord Di, the so-called 'trial cushion' is just leaning your nose and smelling it all over."

"No matter how I judge," Di Renjie blushed. "anyway, there is a bad smell on Holmes's cushion, the cushion is made of fabric, and some fart smell has not yet dispersed into the gap, so there will be residue, so Holmes, you'd better admit it."

"you farted," Holmes responded unhurriedly.

"you fart!"

"I mean, what you just said was a fart. What needs to be explained is that I didn't fart at all, and if there was a bad smell under my cushion, it was left by someone else. "

"Who could that be?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to ask the car owner this question."

as he spoke, Holmes turned his eyes to the Eastfield.

Dongye said, "I'm sorry, Lord Di, but you may be wrong this time."

"what's wrong?"

"The reason why there is a bad smell on that seat is that my child's stool remains on it." When I drove him out last week, he couldn't help shitting in his crotch and naturally rubbed some on the cushion. Although I scrubbed it several times later, I couldn't guarantee that it wouldn't leave any smell. "

"How old is your child?"

"two and a half."

"Damn it, why didn't you say so?"

"you didn't ask."

"that, that, that." Di Renjie stuttered. "Sherlock Holmes has not been cleared of suspicion, but there is no evidence for the time being."

"Hey, you man." Sherlock Holmes was about to have an attack when he was stopped by Dongye.

"well, since Lord Dee's reasoning is wrong, we can only hire the next great detective." Conan, are you coming? " Higano said.

"mm-hmm." Conan pushed the frame of his glasses, and a charming light flashed on the lens. "in fact, through observation, I have found out the farter."

"ah?"

it's Di Renjie's turn to be dumbfounded.

"who is it?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know? Why? "

"well, Conan is a little embarrassed." anyone who has seen the cartoon of the famous Detective Conan knows that every time I reveal the truth, I need Richard Moore to be there. "

"Why?"

"because I'm going to shoot an anesthetic at the back of his head, and when he falls, I hide behind him, imitate his voice with a silencer, and tell the reasoning process through his mouth."

"so?"

"so he's not here today. I have nowhere to shoot. It's hard to tell even if I know the truth."

"Are you kidding me?" Said Holmes.

"I may have met a fake Conan," Higano said.

"Brother, stop playing. We are all detectives. Do me a favor and rely on the score, will you?" Di Renjie patted Conan on the shoulder.

"I'm just kidding everyone. Look, you're serious. Haha. " Conan laughed.

"Is this a time for joking? Are you going to say it or not? "

"speak!" Conan bowed his head and put one hand on his chest and the other on his chin, revealing his signature action. "in my opinion, there is only one truth."

the three men held their breath and stared at Conan.

"but," Conan continued, "I'd like you to get on the bus first."

"get in?"

"Yes, I want to reproduce it on the spot."

soon, everyone returned to the car and sat down according to their previous seats.

"Drive," Conan said to Dongye.

the vehicle starts.

"accelerate to the previous speed, yes, keep it."

Dongye did the same.

"what do you want?"

"Don't talk. Just like before, keep silent. "

everyone had to keep their mouths shut. The car was silent again, except for the sound of the wind outside the window and the sound of the car engine. After about ten minutes of this, Conan finally spoke, seeing that everyone could not hold back.

"Mr. Higano, admit it."

"what?"

"you are the farter."

"me?" Dongye was not anxious or annoyed, but laughed, the speed still did not drop, "tell me your reasoning."

"it's simple. I sit behind you, according to the principle of gas transmission, fart coming out of your body should be rushed back first, but my height is relatively short, and my nostrils are right on your ass, so I smell the smell first. "

"Oh? Is that so? "

"Yes."

"it's not just a cold, maybe diarrhea," Conan pointed to the shelf space on the inside of the car's joystick. From his point of view, he could see a small white medicine bottle inside. "that's medicine for acute enteritis."

Higano nodded.

"it's Conan, and he won't miss any details."

"It should be common sense that gastrointestinal discomfort leads to farting, so, no matter from the point of view of my 'victim' or your physical condition, Mr. Dongye is the most suspected. In addition, there is another action that has exposed you. "

"what action?"

"before, when I asked the question of who farted, your subconscious action was to open the window and notice that it was the window next to you to let the air outside dissipate the stench. Just imagine, if it wasn't the killer, I'm sorry. If I borrowed this word and felt guilty, how could I open the window? besides, as you said yourself, your nose is stuffed up and you can't smell the smell at all. Isn't it superfluous to do so? "

"I was helping you with the smell. Why open the window on my side? Because the window behind you is locked, I am obsessed with driving, opening the window is only a subconscious action, of course, I casually open my side window. If you have any driving experience, you will know that I am right. "

"Don't argue. Even so, you can't escape. Because you have a motive. "

"what?"

Yuki Higano yelled, slammed on the brakes, and pulled over to the side of the road. Several great detectives in the car were staggered and embarrassed by this sudden incident.

"motive? Do you need a motive to fart? "

"of course. You are writing a new book. "

"This has nothing to do with it."

"Don't worry, I'll analyze it for you. As we all know, you are the best-selling reasoning novelist on the market. About 70 or 80 books are coming out one after another. Sales are good, aren't they? "

"Yes, thanks to the kindness of readers, they all sell well."

"However, I have also heard that because you have written too much, you are now experiencing a bottleneck in your creative career."

Dongye stopped talking.

"it's too difficult to find a new creative idea for writing mystery novels, especially for a great writer like you, every time a new work comes out must be the most innovative and unconventional, otherwise it will be rejected by readers, so you must be under a lot of pressure. I think you're a little bald, and maybe you can't sleep. "

"that's true. I haven't had a good night's sleep for a long time, and my immunity is getting worse and worse, so I catch a cold again. But what does it have to do with my farting? "

"Yes. Is it rare for you to have such an opportunity today? Three famous detectives gathered together, and if they had the opportunity to compare their reasoning skills, and then write a book about the process, they would be able to sell well again. As you said before, I am glad to witness such a historic moment. I must be sincere. "

"that's true, but."

"so you took advantage of your body function and let out a very smelly fart. Before that, you deliberately locked the car windows. As long as one person couldn't help bringing it up, you happened to take this as the topic. Encourage all three of us to participate in this reasoning game about farts, and as a bystander, you can collect writing materials. We have all fallen into your trap. "

"your analysis makes a lot of sense. I did encounter bottlenecks, but I swear on my personality, I didn't fart."

"Why do you need the police if it's useful?"

"I don't think it's him either."

Sherlock Holmes suddenly spoke.

"what? Do you think so, too? "

"son, you are still too young."

"Don't say that."

"that's what I'm going to say. Because of your random reasoning, you almost framed a good man. Kid. "

"I didn't say Mr. Higano is a bad guy, I just said he was a fart. Besides, please don't call me a child. "

"in my eyes, you are a child. An anime character has the nerve to call a detective? Remember, your audience is kids, and they haven't seen what real reasoning is. Conan, why did your author give you my author's name? It's a tribute. "

"then give me a push." Conan was said to be at the sore spot. Since he was named Conan, few people have known his real name, Shinichi Kudo. "Let me see what real reasoning is."

"of course. Nowadays, the reasoning world is a mess, and there is no technical gold at all. The reasoning is a very rigorous thing, paying attention to science, rather than guessing about human motivation. "

"so?"

"so you're not right. I think the real farter should be Lord Di Renjie Di. "

"ah?"

Di Renjie looked stunned. "nonsense, you are too small-bellied and chicken-hearted. This is naked revenge."

"Don't worry, listen to me slowly."

Holmes took out the fire, lit his pipe, and motioned to Dongye to roll down the window. Soon, the smell of tobacco filled the whole carriage in an instant.

"Mr. Fu, are you smoking vanilla-flavored tobacco?" Keigo Higano said.

"Yes. How's it going? Do you think it smells good? "

"incense."

"Why does it smell good?"

"because of the smell of tobacco. "

"Why does that fart stink?"

"well." Dongye thought, "it's because the object that produces fart stinks."

"Yes, this is the simplest biology. If a person eats strong food, the gas excreted must be very smelly, such as spring onions, ginger, garlic, and leeks. "

"so?"

"Lord Di, did you eat garlic this morning?"

"how do you know that?"

"nonsense, you have a tone. Besides, as far as I know, Lord Di lives in northern China all year round, so he should be used to eating garlic. "

"Indeed, I ate some raw garlic and pork dumplings with leek in the morning."

"that's right. According to my experience, there was a smell of garlic and leek in the stink just now, so it can be seen that this fart is obviously from your Lord Di. "

"This is science?"

"Yes, science."

"Science, your grandmother is a leg, and according to your experience, is it possible for you to smell fart outside every day?"

"Why are you so vulgar?"

"you're no better!"

"look at the move!"

Di Renjie turned around and shook his fist at Sherlock Holmes in the back row, who, not to be outdone, reached back. The two men were fighting each other back and forth in the narrow car across the chairs.

"Stop fighting," Dongye hurriedly came up to pull the fight, and accidentally received a punch in the nose, and the nosebleed mixed with snot ran down the nostrils.

"stop! That's enough! "

his roar had an effect, and Holmes and Conan stopped, still indignant. Dongye wiped their nosebleed with a paper towel, took a deep breath, and unexpectedly passed through.

"all your analyses are reasonable. Would you like to hear my reasoning?" Higano said.

the three are neither sure nor opposed.

"I suspect there is no fart at all."

"what?" Now it's Conan's turn to be eager. "Why do you say that?"

"I think this fart is purely made up by Conan."

"nonsense, I."

"first of all, I don't smell it. Secondly, Lord Dee, do you smell it? "

Di Renjie shook her head. "I was asleep, and if you hadn't said I farted, I wouldn't have known there was a fart."

"what about Sherlock Holmes? He smelled it, and it smelled of garlic and leek. Isn't that right, Mr. Fu? " Conan is in a hurry.

"Conan, he didn't smell it either."

"but he just said that."

"he was trying to get back at Di Renjie because Di Renjie said he released it."

"really? Mr. Fu? "

Holmes nodded.

"How can you tell?"

"because there is something wrong with Holmes' nose."

"what?"

"I asked him if he was smoking vanilla-flavored tobacco, and he replied yes. I did it on purpose. I've seen his cigarette case before, and it's cherry. "

Holmes took out his cigarette case, and sure enough, he saw the cherry sign on it.

"this Watson, I asked him to buy me vanilla, but he bought it wrong again."

"Why is that, Mr. Holmes?"

"maybe I smoke too much pipe. In recent years, I have found that my nose is getting worse and worse, but I still have to smoke to maintain the image of Sherlock Holmes. The client said Sherlock Holmes who didn't smoke a pipe was worthless. I can't help it. "

"it's not easy."

"then why do I smell bad smell?"

"because only you smell it, none of us smell it, and there is only one possibility. You made up this fart."

"Why would I make this up?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm bored, I want to ease the atmosphere, maybe I want to prove that my reasoning ability is better than everyone else, and I set up a virtual topic. Who knows. "

"joke, then I can also say that you put it."

No, I still think it's Sherlock Holmes. "

"it's Di Renjie."

"No fart!"

the four people blame each other and show no sign of weakness. After a while, everyone was tired and out of breath. Then Higano laughed, and then the other three laughed, too.

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"We are so bored, wasting our time here for some bullshit."

"Yes. But time is a waste, isn't it? "

"Yes, it's ridiculous that we all get together for no reason and don't know why and what we're going to do."

"Indeed, idle eggs hurt!"

"If you want me to say... It was the author's fart. "

with that, Dongye restarted the vehicle, and the four set off again. Before long, the car disappeared on the horizon.