In that year, I didn't finish my winter vacation homework.

procrastination in life officially began that day, and it was only common at that time.

during the Spring Festival in 1991, the school had a 14-day holiday. In addition to the winter vacation assignments of two printed books of Chinese and mathematics, there are 100 mathematical application problems, copying all the Chinese texts required to be recited in the textbooks for this semester, and four compositions of not less than 800 words each.

with only one day left before the start of school, I only wrote my Chinese winter vacation homework to page 16 (a total of 32 pages) and wrote only two essays.

the reason why I remember so clearly is that this is the first time I have had a serious case of procrastination.

I just turned nine that year and was in the fourth grade of primary school.

in the past, there were also episodes of procrastination, but they were all relatively mild and were not as serious as this winter vacation.

in the first two years of primary school, I had very good self-discipline, enthusiasm, and initiative. During the long holidays, I will finish my homework in a very short time. Even once, before the holiday, I went to Xinhua Bookstore to buy two big summer homework and finished them before the summer vacation came.

later, I saw children's self-discipline and self-consciousness in doing homework in different places. in the vegetable market, at the mahjong table, and on the curb, they all saw children writing hard without awareness, holding pens and notebooks in hand.

now come to think of it, at that age, we regarded homework as the first responsibility in life, without complaint. This is very weird because, in theory, we should have hated homework very much in our bones. It's just that we are too young to wake up to the point where we can resist and allow ourselves to hate the career that raped our childhood. We can only turn to value and awe it and regard it as the first essence of life.

every day, people are punished for standing on the podium or squatting in the aisle for not finishing their homework. Teachers usually scold people who do not finish their homework as pigs or bitches, which have no dignity and no value, and should die-- the crime of not finishing their homework is more serious than male thieves and female prostitutes, deceiving the world, losing their rights and humiliating the country. To avoid this great humiliation, no matter in Tianya or on the promontory, whether living or dying, dreaming or waking up, I have to go through all kinds of hardships, overcome all difficulties, endure hardships, and finish my homework regardless of life and death.

when I was a child, I was always the last person in my family to sleep and the earliest to get up. After middle school, I often do my homework until 10:00 or even later in the evening, and I have to get up at five o'clock the next day for self-study. I can only sleep six or seven hours a day. If you doze off in class, you will be scolded as a pig and a cheap maidservant again. Often people who unfortunately fall asleep during the morning self-study are dragged out to the penalty station-I can't allow me to become the kind of scum who wastes a good time of study and falls asleep.

it took a long time to know that a person's physical and mental development will be impaired if he or she sleeps less than 10 to 12 hours a day in childhood. But many children in the same situation as me have spent their entire childhood and adolescence in a severe lack of sleep.

but there is another aspect, which is more important and the consequences are more serious:

of course, I like to learn, and I have a brilliant and strong curiosity and curiosity about knowledge and the world. That kind of innate, simple, and simple motivation for learning is an important spiritual pillar for me to bear the torture of boring and boring homework.

when I was a child, I used to read all the textbooks with relish, including examples in math books and after-class thinking questions, just like reading extracurricular books in the first week after school textbooks were issued. If I can't understand it, just like Xiang Ling is obsessed with poetry and asks for advice everywhere, until I understand it, I don't feel that the stone has fallen to the ground.

I had two serious illnesses around the age of eight. For five months of the semester, I spent four months in the hospital ward.

that was the most enjoyable primary school time I ever had. While in bed, I comfortably read a lot of extracurricular books on the grounds of recuperation.

No homework, no classes, just asked my parents to dictate new words for me during my illness.

the only regret is that there is no one to jump the belt or kick the shuttlecock with me.

the first time I got sick, I asked for a month and a half off. After I recovered from my illness, I caught up with the mid-term exam.

the second time I got sick, I asked for a two-and-a-half-month leave. After I recovered from my illness, I caught up with the final exam.

in both exams, I got the highest score in my class.

I am not a divisive person, but at least it shows that the learning effect of lying in bed while playing is not worse than that of sitting in the classroom.

take the trouble to say this, just want to say, I am not born unfond of learning, I am not born not bad at learning.

I don't know how high achievers got it. But I believe that no one is born weary of learning. Everyone is born a learning genius full of motivation and interest.

but no matter how powerful the spiritual pillar of learning motivation is, it can't stand the destruction of chronic diseases. One day, everything will be completely overdrawn and will break at the limit of tension.

I once had a classmate. My aunt and his sister were good friends. When I was a child, his sister disclosed to my aunt an important internal affair of his family:

to keep him from staying up late at a young age, his homework is often written by the whole family.

I am very envious of hearing this!

his family's behavior can be labeled as "doting", but inadvertently protects a child's enthusiasm and self-discipline from harm. When homework is no longer a way to gain new knowledge and consolidate knowledge but becomes a kind of punitive labor, then whatever it is, as long as it can free him from this punishment, it can greatly alleviate this kind of person. The burden of exhaustion.

what is particularly important is that a person's simple and simple learning motivation when growing up will not be seriously damaged-even if it is partially damaged, it can be repaired by itself.

his grades are not excellent throughout primary and junior high school. But in high school, suddenly enlightened, academic performance like a rocket to the sky, and finally easily admitted to Peking University.

the key point is not whether he was admitted to Peking University or anything else, but I tend to believe that the fact that he was admitted to Peking University proves that in terms of personality, he has developed into a hard-working person with a clear motivation for achievement and a strong willingness to act. With such a psychological basis, as an adult, even if he is not admitted to college and does other things, he should not be too bad.

A child's enthusiasm and self-discipline and willingness to cooperate with others are not tools to help adults (including parents and teachers) punish themselves. Otherwise, this kind of positive self-discipline has become something they use to suppress and persecute themselves.

the famous lazy man in Gonzalov's novel Obromov, the protagonist is a super otaku who lived in the urban-rural fringe of Russia in the 18th century. Gentle and kind, people and animals are harmless, but they just don't get up. The novel devoted a lot of space to how he was persuaded to get up, but he finally got out of bed in the second volume of the novel. The girl who loved him could not bear his negativity and laziness and left him. His slow and lazy heart soon became the door-to-door husband of a widow who was proficient in cooking to escape pain and pursue a comfortable life. As a result, the widow was so good at cooking that within a few years he was fed into a man who was overweight and worried about his health, and soon he died of obesity.

this kind of self-closure, mental cessation, or even retrogression is not accidental. This novel is full of jokes, grooves, and tears, and otaku men and women in the 21st century have been shot all over.

I don't think the pursuit of comfort and comfort is the greatest happiness of human nature.

I don't think laziness is human nature either.

in my opinion, the greatest human nature is to create, and the greatest happiness is the sense of achievement gained from creative and aesthetic activities.

this sense of achievement is the core of "achievement motivation".

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laziness and greed for comfort are not human nature, but some kind of psychological degradation that occurs after people's creative and aesthetic enthusiasm is frustrated, thus becoming helpless, passive, and at a loss as a baby.

if at that age, I can make the following questions, I think the rest of my life will be different:

Why should I do my homework? Why should I copy the words I already know ten times, or even hundreds of times, and why should I repeatedly do the application problems that I already know? Why do I get caught up in this simple, mechanical, repetitive, and unnecessary drudgery every day?

is it an honorable and correct action to do homework? If so, why doesn't the teacher reward each of the three good students to write one more homework? Why does the teacher let those people she doesn't like stay in the classroom after school, copy the text ten times and do math problems 100 times?

-isn't that a punishment?

Children's instincts of positive, trust, cooperation, self-discipline, silence, seeking advantages, and avoiding disadvantages have become accomplices to help adults harm themselves.

I am not aware of the above. I didn't know it was an injury, nor did I know that I had unconsciously intended to escape and end it. I just get lazy and slippery as I get older. I procrastinate and do not want to do my homework, scribble with it, or divide my homework with others, and copy it from each other after I finish it.

but this laziness and slickness have brought me a new round of self-remorse and guilt, which has become a new major psychological burden. I am a lazy boy, a bad boy, a cheating child-I am a child with no hope and future.

during the winter vacation in the fourth grade of primary school, my bearing capacity finally reached the limit of collapse.

I don't want to do my homework. I don't want to see it at a glance.

I don't know where it all started and how it should end.

I envy my dog and cat very much. As a human child, I live a tired, painful, frightened, and undignified life. I want to be an unburdened animal.

-when self-discipline degenerates into a kind of self-abuse and self-torture, is there a way out for life?

for the first time, I had the idea of "born to be a human being, too hard". For the first time, I came up with the idea of ending it all with death.

I always see the news that some primary and middle school students commit suicide because they have too much homework or fail to do their homework. I think the bad news is heavy, but it is not surprising at all. Although I did not commit suicide, what is heavy and tired psychologically has never been put down, bearing a more dull pain than death, a long period of helplessness, loneliness, and despair.

these things have been growing up with me, and they are also growing up, spreading and invading every corner of my life. I have a psychological disorder that can be called "behavioral paralysis".

this kind of paralysis has produced the same consequence in different stages of my life, that is, losing internal motivation and moving forward passively and humbly in inertia.

I am morally condemned by myself. Because it is said that hard work and enduring hardship are common virtues of Chinese women, and I have lowered the average virtue of Chinese women, and I am really ashamed to face the world. Then I curled up more humbly and endured a life of inertia and no happiness. The loss of creative vitality of life, how empty and unfortunate. However, when I was still young, I didn't want to fall into laziness, and I was obsessed with "meaning" when I went to do something. Even to do what I like and be good at, there will always be a voice saying:

are you forced to do it? Are you passive? Are "you can do it" and "you have to do it" the same thing?

my achievement motivation has been reduced to zero.

on the eve of the Spring Festival in 1991, on the 27th day of the 12th lunar month, to encourage me to pick me up to do my homework, I used a new ballpoint pen that my relatives gave me and I have been reluctant to use.

my family went out, and I sat alone by the fire in the kitchen. The briquettes in the stove were burning half-dead and almost extinguished, and I forgot to add new briquettes. I stared blankly out of the window at the gray sky, and the bare branches peered through the lattice-three days before the Chinese New year, half of my book had been used, but my homework was far from finished.

I didn't know that procrastination in my life would officially begin on this day.