The best life: moderate kindness, know how to refuse

some people say that softness is an unfair kindness that fulfills others and wrongs itself, but is treated by others as a fool to be slaughtered.

in life, we are always unconsciously soft-hearted in the face of the demands of others.

"since you are so good at English, since you have helped me twice, I will trouble you with my thesis later. I'm sure you won't let me die, will you?" "you are so well-off that you are pressing for thousands of dollars every day? If you lend me some more, I'll pay you back next time. "

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once or twice, I don't feel anything, but more times, it often puts people in a dilemma.

then you will find that when you compromise many times because of softness and tolerate without limit, your life will gradually come to a dead end.

because while you tolerate others, you are also wasting your life.

01

unrestrained tolerance is not kindness, but humble

there is a topic on Zhihu: is there a moment when you think tolerance is useless?

Beckham, a netizen who has just started to work, began to complain crazily about her roommates.

David Beckham said that roommate Ting Ting is the most aggressive person she has ever seen.

Ting Ting is used to getting up early and going to bed early. After waking up every day, she begins to play music, regardless of whether Beckham is resting after the night shift.

and she has to rest at 9 o'clock in the evening. Beckham is forced to turn off all the lights in the dormitory every time, forcing her to use her cell phone to light up and wash clothes.

in order not to affect their relationship, these Beckham put up with it, but what is even more unbearable is yet to come.

in order not to split the electricity bill, Tingting is not allowed to turn on the air conditioner even in the summer.

lived for a few months, and the sanitation is all cleaned by David Beckham.

the worst thing is that when she pays the water bill, she asks her to pay more on the grounds that Beckham takes more baths.

Beckham felt so angry that she finally broke out.

after a big fight, the world was clean and she won back her sovereignty.

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you think you are kind and tolerant, but others think you are weak and easy to bully.

unrestrained tolerance turns into a knife that stabs you.

Weibo has a highly praised comment:

I think so.

We are always worried that we are not kind enough and afraid of disappointing others, so we keep giving in.

as everyone knows, there is a sentence in the lovely Curse that has already given the answer:

No one has the obligation to think of others all the time. How humble does it be for a person who always puts other people's needs and feelings first?

02

your tolerance must take some edge

Professor Chen Guo of Fudan University said: your kindness should be a little sharp.

whether you are kind to others or tolerant to others, the premise is not to embarrass yourself.

the cousin of a netizen is such an example.

when she first joined the new company, my cousin was a good person in the workplace.

even if the company has a receptionist and cleaning lady, she still receives some strange requests every day.

either help pick up the express delivery in the morning or order takeout in the afternoon, or even ask her to help choose a restaurant when a colleague has to go to dinner with his boyfriend.

the worst thing is that colleagues smile every time they order takeout, wipe their mouths after dinner, and no one talks about AA.

go and ask for it. Some colleagues said, "Oh, it's just a matter of more than ten yuan. Colleagues don't have to divide it so clearly. I'll invite you next time."

many times, I ended up stingy and stingy.

Don't ask for it. As a newcomer to the workplace, the funds are also extremely limited, especially at the end of the month.

at noon that day, when it was time for dinner, colleagues began to yell at her in the group again, asking for takeout from so-and-so.

she decided to salute first and change the status quo.

"I'll book it for you later. I won't starve everyone." In addition, the details and receipts of buying meals for you before have been posted in the group, and partners who have objections can come and ask me. A dozen dollars is not much, but no one's money is from the strong wind. "

my colleagues looked at each other and clicked on the picture, only to know that they owed her more than two thousand.

the netizen's cousin said that since then, the atmosphere in the office has been particularly refreshing.

Don't blame others for being too greedy and don't blame society for being too unwarm. How can a person who can't even defend himself ask others to sympathize with you?

even if we have the obligation to tolerate others, we have no duty to tolerate it indefinitely.

if you want to shine, you must first grow an edge.

it's much easier to be a principled bad guy than to be a good guy without edges and corners.

03

know how to refuse in order to have a high quality of life

one of my younger brothers, Dashan, went home for the Spring Festival many years ago and came across a distant relative selling insurance.

under the banner of kinship, relatives buy and sell everyone.

"Yo brother and sister, you said that when you got married, I went to help. Just for this, you have to do me a favor."

"Oh, little nephew, I watched you grow up. You said you were doing so well that you couldn't watch me lose my job."

I come and go, and I feel sorry for myself. Despite the lack of money, Dashan still gritted his teeth and bought two insurances for ten years, which will be able to be taken out with principal and interest at that time.

seeing that the contract was about to expire, he went to the insurance company to ask about the situation and plannedTake it out, get married and buy a house.

who knows, these two insurances will not be fully withdrawn until 30 years later, during which only part of the dividend can be taken out.

Dashan was dumbfounded, anxious and angry, but he had to shelve the purchase of a house for the time being. For this reason, his girlfriend also broke up and called him a liar.

there is such a sentence in "disqualification in the world":

not knowing that rejection is like a stubborn disease, it nibbles away at people's lives.

if you know how to refuse, your life will be more comfortable and quiet.

just like Mr. Qigong.

as a famous calligrapher and master of Sinology, he receives many visits every day.

once he was not feeling well, so in order not to be disturbed by visitors, he posted a note at the door: "Panda is sick, decline to visit; if you knock on the door and window, you will be fined one yuan."