To D: fall in love for 60 years, and then die together

"you'll be 82 soon. The height has been shortened by six centimeters and the weight is only 45 kilograms. But you are as beautiful, elegant, and fascinating to me as ever. We have been together for 58 years, and my love for you is getting stronger and stronger. I have this annoying emptiness in my chest again, and it can only be filled when your scorching body is nestled in my arms. "

the confession of such affectionate style comes from the headline "to D". This thin pamphlet is a love letter from 83-year-old Goz to his wife Dorina. In the second year after publication, he and Dorina, who was terminally ill and dying, both passed away by turning on the gas, putting an astonishing end to this 60-year-old love affair.

Gotz and Dorina in their later years

everyone who reads this sentence has the same question: who is this infatuated Gotz? Who is this lucky Dorina? What kind of opportunity can lead to this life-and-death crush?

the story starts in 1947.

one,

when we stared at each other, I was thinking, "I won't have a chance."

-"to D"

Today your search for "Andre Goz" and a long list of important tags pop up: the founder of the French political publication New Observer. The new discipline quot; political Ecology & the founder of quot;. Philosopher, Sartre's pupil, the last\ & quot; existentialist\ & quot;. Masterpieces include "Historical morality", "Labor Strategy", "difficult Socialism", "improvement and Revolution", "Farewell to the Working Class"...

in 1947, however, he was still a long way from these identities, except that he was a poor boy from Austria who lived in a low-rent house in Lobsang, Switzerland, without a bed and slept on a collapsed old sofa with bookshelves made of bricks and boards, plus a table and a chair.

so, you must be able to understand his shyness when he first met Dorina. This British woman in her twenties has thick brown hair, pearl skin, noble and playful, as beautiful as a dream. When God only dared to look at her from a distance, three men were already courting her.

looks like there is no chance of winning. Unexpectedly, on a snowy day a month later, Gotz brazenly stopped Dorina in the street and invited her to dance. She said two words that made him ecstatic: Why not.

the picture above shows Goz and Dolina dancing, which later became the cover of Zhi D. Such eyes and smiles only appear on the faces of people who fall in love. On Goz's shabby sofa, they delivered to each other. Many years later, Goz recalled this scene passionately:

for a long time, I silently enjoyed this miracle full of vitality and tenderness at the same time. When I am with you, I understand that happiness is not about getting or giving. Happiness exists only when it is given to each other and can evoke the desire of the other party to give. "

like the beginning of most love stories, youthful passion and mysterious attraction are intertwined, leading them to a crossroads called marriage. Countless people who have been in love have not stood the test, leaving only tombstones of love.

Goz and Dorina are hardly immune.

II,

you have always been faithful to this contract, but you are not sure if I know how to be faithful. My hesitation and silence have deepened your doubts.

until the summer, you calmly told me that you didn't want to wait for me to make a decision.

you should think that I don't want to live with you. Under such circumstances, you would rather leave me, lest our love falls into the abyss of quarrel and betrayal.

-"to D"

if a person tells you that he is madly in love with you, but he doesn't want to marry you. Can you believe it?

Dorina didn't believe it, so she put down her marriage plans and went back to England alone.

God has always regarded Dorina as a "refuge": she gave him the possibility to escape from himself, isolating the threatening world.

does this mean he is a cowardly man? Don't forget, God is a Jew, and this time is 1949. It was only four years after World War II when Hitler slaughtered Jews on a large scale.

at the age of 16, Goz was forced to separate from his relatives and suffered from loneliness in the psychological trauma of the war. The identity of the Jew and his life in exile turned into deep unease and gnawed at his soul.

neither society nor his parents have given him a sense of security, only Dorina can bring it to him. In this wonderful love, he found safe refuge and was able to escape the disturbing reality. And marriage, which is precisely the contract of life, has the side of returning to reality. It was for fear of losing the most important thing that made him hesitant about marriage.

and when Dorina left, he understood completely. He wrote:

"I don't need any so-called deadline to think about it. If I just let you go, I will regret it for the rest of my life. You are the first woman I love with all my heart, and I can feel the resonance you evoke in my heart; in short, it is my first love. If I can't love you, maybe I can't love anyone anymore. I hope we can be together forever. "

in the early autumn of 1949, Gotz married Dorina.

III,

there is no similarity between us, but there is no relationship at all. I can still feel that we have something in common, a very special scar-- this is what I call a "fundamental." experience" thing: an unsafe experience.

-- "to D"

as early as the beginning of the relationship, Goz was acutely aware that Dorina had a similar sense of insecurity and was also related to war.

Dorina's father was injured and maimed in the first World War. And her mother is as beautiful as she is and has another man. When Dorina was four years old, her mother took her to a small city by the sea to live with a man. After the breakup of the relationship, sharp quarrels occur from time to time, and her mother and the man she regards as her father want her to be on their side.

the young Dolina was frightened and lonely. She told herself more than once that if love was like this if that was the case with husband and wife, she would rather live alone than fall in love with someone else.

in our time, we are used to blaming the problems in intimate relationships on the influence of the original family. As if he was unhappy, it was the original sin of discord between his parents.

however, Dorina has gone from "preferring not to fall in love with anyone" to spontaneously marrying Goz and unswervingly maintaining their relationship during a 60-year relationship.

what kind of mental process is there? no one can say clearly. The only certain thing is that God gave her a wonderful love. In her relationship with him, she saw the love that was opposed to her childhood experience, which made her look forward to a new relationship between husband and wife.

obviously, for personal happiness, wisdom in life is far more important than wisdom in philosophy, especially in managing a long and intimate relationship.

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Dorina is a woman with this kind of wisdom, and her mature emotional view leads Goz to have this rare wisdom.

Goz and Dorina had such a wonderful discussion about how to keep a marriage fresh.

God asked: "what can prove that ten or twenty years later, we have undergone changes, and this contract of life can still satisfy our desires?"

Dorina replied, "if you are married to one person and intend to spend your life, put your lives together and don't do anything that harms your union." Building your relationship is your common plan, and you always need to strengthen, change, and reorient yourself according to the changing environment. You will become what you do. "

four,

to fall in love with a writer is to love his writing. You say, "then write!"

-- to D

Goz and Dorina

whenever I see this picture, I always think of this sentence: love is not only gazing at each other but also looking in the same direction.

after marriage, their poor life improved slightly, mainly due to the efforts of Dorina. She always treats the days of perennial hardship with a happy attitude.

she participates in theatrical troupes, works as a part-time English teacher, works as a secretary for a blind British writer, and spends two hours a day modeling for painters. As her life becomes more colorful, she earns more money than God.

at this time, Goz worked as a reporter for the Citizen of the World, his position was unstable, and in the second year of marriage, he lost his job and wrote at home. Dorina starts work at eight o'clock every morning, and when she comes home for lunch, Goz is usually not up, because he always writes until the wee hours of the morning, and Dorina never complains about it.

whenever it's past three o'clock in the morning, Dorina says, "come to bed."

God replied, "I'll be right there."

Dorina added, "Don't come right away, but here!"

there is no blame in her voice. God liked her persistent demands while always leaving him plenty of time.

thousands of us have been writing all our lives, and in the end, we didn't stick it out and didn't publish anything. Dorina herself had this experience, so from the beginning, she knew that God's writing plan must be protected forever.

material support doesn't seem to be too difficult for Dolina, but the hardest is probably mental patience.

one summer, when they watched the swallows flying in the yard, Dorina said, "they don't have to bear any responsibility, but they can enjoy such freedom!" At noon, she said to God, "do you know?" You haven't said a word to me for three days. "

years later, Goz wrote apologetically:

"I've been wondering if you feel lonelier with me than when you're alone?"

Dorina understands that as a person who cannot live without writing, writing can occupy his body and mind anytime and anywhere. Even though he was eating and talking well for one minute, he suddenly began to be silent in a trance: there was a flood of ideas, and if he didn't catch it right away, the fleeting thought might slip away.

at this time, Dorina's rare wisdom came into play again.

after changing several short jobs, Goz became a reporter for the Paris News. She often came to the editorial department to help her husband with extremely heavy work, analyzed data on British publications for him, and produced an encyclopedic booklet. This constantly improving material book has played a considerable role in Goz's career as a journalist for more than 20 years.

and Dorina's elegance and English humor also earned Goz a lot of points in front of her boss.

five,

until Traitor was finally published, I regained my awareness of what I owe you: you gave me everything you had and helped me become what I am now.

-- "to D"

God's career is on the right track. He wrote an article about the potential in the Pacific. The article on the coexistence of force is appreciated by the founder of "KuaiBao" and called it "masterpiece". While the road to professional journalism was increasingly smooth, his first book, the Traitor, was also published in 1958 on Sartre's recommendation.

and Dorina's charm and wisdom have been polished by time. Dorina was involved in all of God's reports, almost together. God was pleasantly surprised to find that his wife was more politically conscious than he, a political journalist.

on one occasion, Goz and Dorina visited former French Prime Minister Mendes Frans and finished the report after having dinner with him and visiting friends. At the same time, God is about to meet with fighters of the French Workers' Democratic United Party. Out of a keen sense of political smell, Dorina insisted on sending it to Mendes before publishing the article. Sure enough, Mundace said gratefully, "if you publish this article, I may never be able to set foot on the land of this city again."

with time, the foundation of their relationship has changed. Not only are they closely connected in their private lives, but they are also inseparable in the public sphere through common activities. They are not only lovers, husbands, and wives, but also comrades-in-arms and confidants.

A steady stream of honors and achievements have long freed them from material embarrassment, and they have always maintained simple living habits. This stems from their common values: Goz hates the so-called "rich" lifestyle, and Dorina refuses to follow fashion.

you already know that Dorina, without fashion, is still as beautiful as a dream in her husband's heart.

Goz once secretly took a picture of Dorina's back: her feet were in the sea on the big beach in La Jolla. This is one of his favorite images.

that year, Dorina was 52.

six,

during your coma, I decided to retire at the age of sixty. I began to calculate the time when we were apart. I have found pleasure in cooking and am keen to find green food that can help you regain your strength.

-- "to D"

Goz and Dorina

Dorina has had surgery because of lumbar disc herniation. To facilitate radiography, doctors injected lipiodol into her spine and guaranteed that the substance would disappear after ten days.

however, eight years later, the lipiodol always existed and rose along the spine to the brain to form a cyst, which was diagnosed as arachnoid disease. at present, there is no way to inhibit the progression of the disease.

Dolina was afflicted with a severe headache, and before long, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer. After the operation, Goz took Dorina back to her house on the outskirts of Paris for recuperation. They designed and built the cabin themselves, and Goz chiseled Dorina's name into a stone in the house, just as he carved the capital "D" into his heart decades ago.

the death of this rehearsal made Goz determined to stay away from the front line of the media, which had been fighting for many years, and devote all his energy to accompanying and taking care of Dolina. After living in this house for three years, they found another house that is warm in winter and cool in summer because of the nuclear power plant being built nearby.

as she did when she was young, Dorina still encouraged Goz to write, and then Gotz published six more books. More importantly, he wrote this love letter of fewer than 30,000 words, "to D". He described their old age as follows:

"you taught me to appreciate and love fields, trees, and animals... You let me discover the richness of life, through you, I fell in love with life. "

Dorina created a small shrub garden on the lawn of her new home, and Goz planted two hundred trees in the nearby clearing. In this paradise, they spent the last 23 years of their lives together.

it is here that they turn on the gas, hold each other's hands among the flowers and trees planted with their own hands, and leave the world calmly.

Seven,

I sometimes see the shadow of a man walking behind a hearse on open roads and deserts. I am this man. You're in the hearse. I don't want to attend your cremation funeral. I don't want to receive a jar containing your ashes.

neither of us wants to live alone after each other has gone.

We often tell each other that if there is an afterlife, we are still willing to spend it together.

-- "to D"